I think that today I’m going to share my personal understanding of how the world got so upside-down.
We Haven’t Left the Dark Ages
We’ve all heard of the dark ages, right? Back when everyone was still hunting witches and drinking from lead cups? I’m pretty convinced we’re just going through another type of dark age…we are the unilluminateds, and, as I will continue to stress, the way we do things these days really needs to be upgraded to suit the needs of everyone.
So as far as I know we all originated from one gigantic continent that ultimately broke apart to create the continents as we know them today. The original piece of land was called Pangaea, and in the center of this continent was Africa. Africa is actually one of the biggest continent, although in maps they make it look kind of puny. It has been widely accepted that all traces of human life originated in Africa, which at one point wasn’t all desert and had many plains animals for us to hunt and eat.
We Floated Apart!
From Africa, we all kinda got split up and went our own ways and developed individually on different continents…in the version of world history that plays in my head, this happened because Pangaea broke up and different groups of people were clinging for their lives to the pieces that were washed away. I’m waiting patiently for science to back that one up.
Beware Herd Mentality
Once we were all divvied up, we got pretty territorial over our little pieces of land. When we looked around and became aware of the different groups, we began to feel like we were obviously better than all the other places where people looked different and didn’t do things the same way as us. Our herd mentality was still pretty deeply engrained, and different methods of surviving were probably seen as weird people just begging for death in an unforgiving world. Thus racism was born, and other people surviving just looked to us like idiocy and inferiority. So generally, humans developed an inherent distaste for people who are different and began to assume they are all temptresses into a world of hurt and ignorance.
The “Great” Civilizations
Along the way many great civilizations were able to rise and fall. Many of the most awe-inspiring would be considered the most primitive today, were they still to exist, but in truth they all left little environmental footprint and had a deep grasp of the nature of life, death, agriculture, and astronomy. Meanwhile, in our so-called civilized society, we’re over here polluting the heck out of earth, employing human slaves, and still not quite getting the hint about crop rotation and the dangers of factory farms.
Among the civilizations of the past arose the Greeks and Romans, or if you want to clump them together, you can call this time the Graeco Roman Age, where it would appear that a bunch of naked dudes competed to the death for the sadistic amusement of their peers. For some reason, this group of people also produced a handful of self-proclaimed philosophers that are, bafflingly, still glorified today. And, like anyone who tries to wiggle their brain in the direction of deep thought, they came up with some nuggets of gold and, well, some turds.
Turds vs Nuggets of Truth
For example, Plato was pretty in-the-know and concluded that if people are ign’ant, forcing the light of truth into their eyes will just make them behave like blinded, rabid animals. That was a gold nugget of thought. Then there was the d-bag Aristotle, who came up with the “great chain of being” and basically proclaimed that, in order of importance, God was first, men were next after God, then women, then children, then human slaves, animals, and lastly, the earth/environment/the only f*cking reason we exist. Kiiiind of a thought turd.
The Rise and Fall of the Romans
Despite the ignorance and nudie death fights, these guys decided they should be remembered as the most civilized bunch in history and basically thought everyone else should be just like them (probably because of that herd mentality thing I mentioned earlier.) So they started trying to take over the world, and pretty much nailed it until they basically got too big for their britches. Many would say that the beginning of the end was when they decided to crucify Jesus. Others would say that’s just what you get when you rally up a bunch of greedy, self-interested prigs who don’t actually want to help govern the people they’ve bullied into submission. (Take heed, great leaders of today. Take heed.)
We’ve Been Divided and Conquered
Anyway, these guys managed to be remembered at the same level of awesome as they perceived themselves to be, although not quite immortal. They had their claws the deepest in the west, which has seemingly inspired the powerhouse of Europe to style their governance after the Graeco-Romans. They took the concept “divide and conquer” to heart, but they do it with their pinkies out, also taking to heart the idea that world domination can be a civilized process.
Resource Rich Countries and Colonialism
The most important places to go for the throat are resource-rich, like the Americas (once they were claimed by that bumbling idiot Columbus) and Africa. They strip the natives of the resource-rich land where they are born and raised, and everything they have been taught about working together to make the world a better place is replaced with impositions of how things are done “better” somewhere else (again, we’re still not quite self-aware enough to ignore that mind-numbing herd mentality).
Good Bye Culture, Hello Consumerism!
Once everything they know and love is destroyed, then it’s pretty easy to turn their world upside down and get them to actually work as indentured servants. After all, it’s the least they could do after having the privilege of being introduced to real “culture.” They’re forced to speak French or English and forget there was ever any alternative way of life that wasn’t quite so miserable. So kids, that’s where Nike comes from!
Slave Labor for the Sake of Frivolous Goodies
So these days, in the West, we’ve become dependent on the products that are made with the sweat, blood, and tears of children and adults forced to work 15 hour days for pennies to feed their starving families while their personal wealth of resources is stolen by the first world countries and ultimately thrown away and misused. And most of us know very little about it, only that it exists and it’s really sad if we happen to accidentally catch a glimpse of a documentary about this stuff.
The Cost of Progress
On the plus side, all these amazing innovations have been made as industry continues to progress, and progress is the name of the game! Unfortunately progress comes at a cost, and the environment and animals who were here before us certainly deserve to improve their quality of life. Aren’t we smart enough to do it for them yet?
Let’s Be the Torches of Light in the Dark Ages!
Let’s get out of the dark ages! While we were born into this world and kind of forced to take on our roles within it, the good news is that we can choose to work for an upgrade in these practices. Is making people into slaves really the only way to govern those we choose to colonize? I think we can do better than that!
So that’s what we’re going to do. Are ya with me?